When couples therapy becomes a weapon?

When Couples Therapy Becomes a Weapon

Couples therapy is a widely accepted and effective way to resolve conflicts and improve communication in relationships. However, in some cases, it can become a weapon used by one partner to manipulate and control the other. This phenomenon is often referred to as "therapy abuse."

What is Therapy Abuse?

Therapy abuse occurs when one partner uses the therapy process to manipulate, control, or harm the other partner, often by exploiting the power imbalance that exists in the relationship. This can take many forms, including:

• Gaslighting: Denying or distorting reality to make the other partner question their own perceptions, memories, or sanity.
• Projection: Attributing one’s own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to the other partner.
• Emotional manipulation: Using guilt, shame, or self-pity to control the other partner’s emotions and behavior.
• Minimization: Downplaying the severity of the abuse or making light of the harm caused.

How Does Therapy Abuse Happen?

Therapy abuse can occur in any type of relationship, including romantic relationships, friendships, and family relationships. It often happens when one partner:

• Seeks validation and attention: The abuser may use the therapy process to gain validation and attention from the therapist, while simultaneously dismissing or belittling the other partner’s feelings and concerns.
• Lacks emotional intelligence: The abuser may not be able to regulate their own emotions, leading them to lash out at the other partner or use manipulation to control the situation.
• Has a history of trauma: The abuser may have experienced trauma in the past, leading them to use manipulation and control as a coping mechanism.
• Feels powerless: The abuser may feel powerless in the relationship and uses the therapy process as a way to regain control.

Signs of Therapy Abuse

If you suspect that your partner is using therapy as a weapon, look out for the following signs:

• Constant criticism: Your partner criticizes you constantly, even in therapy sessions.
• Gaslighting: Your partner denies or distorts reality, making you question your own perceptions or memories.
• Emotional manipulation: Your partner uses guilt, shame, or self-pity to control your emotions and behavior.
• Minimization: Your partner downplays the severity of the abuse or makes light of the harm caused.
• Control: Your partner tries to control the therapy process, dictating what topics are discussed or how the sessions are conducted.

What Can You Do If You’re a Victim of Therapy Abuse?

If you’re a victim of therapy abuse, it’s essential to prioritize your safety and well-being. Here are some steps you can take:

• Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group for emotional support and validation.
• Document everything: Keep a record of all therapy sessions, including dates, times, and topics discussed. Also, document any emails, texts, or messages exchanged with your partner.
• Talk to your therapist: Share your concerns with your therapist and ask for their guidance on how to navigate the situation.
• Consider a new therapist: If your therapist is not taking your concerns seriously or is enabling the abuse, consider seeking a new therapist.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with your partner, and be prepared to enforce them if necessary.

Table: Red Flags of Therapy Abuse

Conclusion

Therapy abuse is a serious issue that can have long-term consequences for the victim. It’s essential to be aware of the signs of therapy abuse and take steps to prioritize your safety and well-being. Remember, therapy is a tool meant to help you grow and improve your relationship, not a means to control or manipulate your partner.